You have missed your child when they were away at college, and now they are coming home for a visit. You are so happy and can’t wait for them to arrive. But now that they are home, it isn’t what you were expecting. Your happiness has turned into frustration. Why is that? Why are you not happy your college student is home?

This is not unusual. In fact, it is quite common. When your child was in high school and living at home, you and your child had a routine. A set way of doing things; who did what and when they did them. You and your child had assumed certain roles. Most likely you were the one in control of all aspects of your and their lives.

Now that your child is at college, they have gained independence. They have changed the way they live to meet their standards, not yours. It’s all part of your child growing up and becoming an adult. During their first couple of visits home, it is not uncommon to become frustrated. Be patient and be open to the changes. Soon enough you and your child will adjust to each other and new roles. Once this happens, you will be extremely happy your college student is home for a visit!

In this post, we will discuss some of the common frustrations we as parents have when our college student is home for a visit. We’ll discuss some ways we can learn to be patient and overcome our frustrations. We’ll also look at setting some rules and boundaries your adult children should follow while home for visits. This will lead to lots of happy visits in the future.

Time for Visiting with Family While Home From College

One of the most common frustrations is when your child comes home for a visit, but is too busy with other friends or events to spend any time with family. Many times your child’s high school or hometown friends are not at the same college as your child. When children come home from college for a visit, they take that opportunity to visit with those friends they don’t often get to see. This takes away from spending time with the family, and you were not expecting this.

Probably the best way to overcome this issue is to have a conversation with your child before he visits and determine what their plans are during their visit. This will help with your expectations of the visit. It also allows you to let your child know if there are specific times or events you would like them to spend with the family while they are home. Most children will be accepting of this information, but you must make it known. Otherwise, your expectations and their expectations of time spent with family while they are home could be totally different.

Curfews and Sleeping Patterns When College Student is Home

College students have become accustomed to not having a curfew while they are at school. They have gotten used to coming and going whenever they please without telling anyone of their plans. When they return home for a visit, there may be some frustration, fear, and worry on your end about this lifestyle change. For some parents, it may appear disrespectful. However, your college student may not be aware of your feelings without you sharing your feelings with them.

Late nights are usually accompanied by sleeping half of the day away. As a parent, this may bother you more than the late nights. Their choice of staying out late has now led to less time spent visiting with family. It is a cycle that will cause a lot of frustration for parents. And may cause strife between you and your college student. Before it gets to this point, it is best to discuss respect and boundaries with your child.

During this discussion, let your child know you want to respect their independence and you don’t want to give them a curfew while they are visiting home. However, they, in turn, need to respect your boundaries while staying at home. Let them know how their decisions of staying out late and sleeping most of the day are affecting you. Listen to them if they have points of discussion. There are always some ways to find a compromise. Compromise can be as simple as your child letting you know what time to expect them home at night and following through by returning home when they said they would. It could also include a decision on specific times they will spend with you during their visit.

Your Child Comes Home with Different Ideas & Philosophies

Universities bring in different types of people from all over. These people come with many different ideas and philosophies about all aspects of life. This may be your child’s first experience with such a diverse group of people and ideas. There may be ideas they will be hearing about for the first time. They will be around other students that have different beliefs than them and how you raised them to believe. There is no harm in learning others’ ideas, beliefs & philosophies. In fact, learning more about other ideas makes us a more well-rounded and more empathetic person. However, there may come a time when your child decides to have a different idea or hold a different philosophy than you do.

When your child comes home for a visit, they are likely to talk to you about the diversity they are experiencing at college. You should encourage these discussions. They may also choose to tell you they have decided their ideas on certain issues are changing from what they grew up thinking or believing. This may initially cause you alarm and fear. I challenge you to keep calm and keep encouraging an open dialogue with your child on these subjects. Not to convince them to think as you do, but to teach them to engage in respectful discussions with others. Especially those who do not have the same beliefs and ideologies as they do.

If you and your child can learn to have calm and respectful conversations about any ideas or philosophies that differ from yours, their visit home will be much more enjoyable. In today’s world, I believe we could all use a bit more respect for those who are different or hold different ideas from us.

Your College Student is Home and Brought Loads & Loads of Dirty Laundry

Your college student is home for a visit and brought all their dirty laundry with them. You know they have laundry rooms at the dorms, but it doesn’t look like they have done laundry all semester! Before any habits begin, you should sit down and visit with your child about whose responsibility it is to wash their dirty laundry. You are welcome to help them if you choose. However, they should understand that just because they brought home dirty laundry doesn’t mean that you will do it all for them.

Having less laundry is one of the perks of being an empty nester. Just because they are home for a visit does not change this fact. When was the last time you went to visit your mother and took all your laundry with you on your visit and expected her to do it for you? Funny, right? I’m imagining what my mother would say and the look on her face if I did that! College life is about that stage of life where your child is transitioning to an adult. Being an adult comes with responsibilities. And doing their own laundry is their responsibility.

However, if you are like me, you will still help from time to time. For me, if I have time I still like to do some things for my child while they are home. It brings back fond memories. As mothers, I don’t think we ever lose that drive to help our children, no matter their age. The motherhood drive is strong and is nice to feel needed by your child. As long as your child does not expect you to do their laundry, there is no harm in giving a helpful hand.

Your Child Leaves Your House a Mess When They Return to College

Your child has come for a visit. They have left a trail of stuff in every room they have been in since they have arrived home. Now it’s time for them to head back to college and they leave without picking up after themselves. This is very frustrating. It is definitely something that needs to be discussed with your child to ensure they understand your expectations.

They may have been in the habit of you picking up after them when they lived at home and now they are just continuing that habit. Again, college years are a transition time. Your child will most likely not change their habits that they had while living at home without some guidance from you. Have that conversation with them and let them know your wishes for picking up after themselves while they are visiting.

This transition time is all about having conversations with your children to discuss the transitioning of your and their roles and responsibilities during their visits home. Even though it is likely your home is still your child’s permanent home, and you are still their mother, college children need to transition to being more responsible. This new responsibility doesn’t end just because they are visiting home. In fact, your child taking responsibility for themselves and being respectful of other family members while they are visiting home shows just how much they are maturing and on their way to becoming a successful adult.

The sooner you have these conversations with your college student, the sooner your frustrations will fade away and give way to the excitement for their return.

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